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GRAVY! remember to breathe 2006-01-22 — 10:18 a.m. |
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I'm really a very low-stress person. By this, I mean that not much stresses me out, I don't worry about things, and I usually handle everything pretty well. That has all come to a screechingly horrendous halt. I have these crazy-ass exams in like, two weeks. I don't know enough. There's no way I can get all of the studying and reading done. Blah, blah, blah, worry, worry, worry, stress, stress, stress. By the end of the day, I am so freaked out that my stomach is one big churning pit of acid. I have to lay down and be calm or I feel like I'm gonna hurl. I don't even want to speak. It's all quite stupid. I mean, what's the worst thing that will happen if I fail? I just have to take them next semester. Yes, but that means that I have FAILED at something. Me. Genevieve R. McL. Do I deserve to fail? Uhm ... yeah, kinda. The studious train left the station approximately three years ago. But do I want to fail? I say I don't care, but that's the furthest thing from the truth. I most assuredly want to pass these things. (all three of them) Not just so I don't have to re-take them, but so no one (professors, colleages, my friends, my family, my husband, me) will look at me like "she failed her exams." Ick, ick, ick, here I go getting all acidy again. So the first exam is on Feb 6th. That's the major written. It's 6 hours of essays about 300 years of English literature. I think I can handle this one because I'm pretty good at writing on the spot. I also have a pretty good general knowledge of stuff they tend to ask about (or at least I will by 2/6). Let me clarify something: I fluctuate between thinking I can handle this one and being COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY POSITIVE that I will fail it because I don't know enough about, say, John Lyly's Euphueus. The second one is the minor written on Feb 14. That's 3 hours of essays on Old/Middle English. Yeah. I know ZERO about this one. I plan on doing all the studying after I finish the major exam. I'm not that worried right now, though, as most of the worry is fixated on the first exam. The last exam is the oral, which only gets scheduled after you pass the major and the minor. The oral is a combined major/minor, with 5 professors grilling me about whatever the hell they want to ask me. I am utterly panicked about this one, but it's a kind of distant panick, as I can only fear that one once I'm done with these two. So to sum that up, I'm most worried right now about the major written, which occurs in 15 scant days. I really and truly feel that once that is over, I will be some sort of new person, for better or for worse. I think I would literally trade one of my fingers (not my thumb or pointer finger; those are important) to pass all of these tests. But as I say that, I realize what a hassle typing would be, and that makes me think of my dissertation. So I'm gonna have to change that trade to one of my toes. You can even have the big one. Oh, what am I saying, that guy is too cute. Ok, Ok. You can have the appendix, both tonsils, and I'll even throw in a couple of inches of hair. Who am I talking to and why do you want so many body parts????? I think I have to go back to bed. |
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