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GRAVY! Woo robots! 2006-07-11 — 8:26 a.m. |
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Ever since I can remember, I've had a difficult time remembering what things look like when they're not right in front of me. I'm pretty sure that's why I'm a crappy artist unless I'm copying a picture. Case in point: when I was little, and I had to draw a picture of my dad (or any man, for that matter) for school, I could not FOR THE LIFE OF ME remember if the moustache went above or below the nose. So I'd draw it both ways and then figure out which one looked right-er. That seems silly now, but there are plenty of other things I can't imagine without looking at them. For example, are leopard spots different from cheetah spots? I'm sure they are, but how? Can't picture it. Which way do the presidents face on the money? I have a 50/50 shot there. And while I can recognize most states by their shapes, I definitely don't think I could draw very many, save the obviously-shaped ones (Florida, I'm lookin' at you!). Anyhoo, this problem generally doesn't matter too much in life, unless you're stuck with me as a partner in pictionary. The real issues arises with diretions. Namely: I can't give directions. I just can't remember the way streets go or where signs/lights are unless I am physically right there looking at it ... even in places I've been thousands and thousands of times. For example, I couldn't tell you where a single highway by my childhood home goes. Not a single one. And when people give me directions, unless I write them down immediately, they just fly out the other ear without so much as giving my brain a polite wave on the way out. So anyhoo, now I've got this here license. It seems like the state of NC thinks that I'm perfectly capable of driving. The joke is on you, Cackeylack! I am NOT perfectly capable of driving! I am a mess and a half behind the wheel because I currently can not remember how to drive and remember how to get where I'm going at the same time. As long as there's someone else in the car with me taking care of the second part, no problems arise (unless I have to merge somewhere, which is a wholly different issue). But on the three scant instances in which I've driven solo, two have been disasters. Ok, not disasters in the sense that I've injured myself/others ... but unpleasant experiences nonethesame because I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE I'M GOING, EVEN IF I'VE BEEN THERE PLENTY OF TIMES BEFORE! Where does the turning lane start? I don't know! That's why I didn't turn and am now in some apartment complex parking lot! So on my most recent foray onto the mean streets of Wilmington was a bit worse than missing a turning lane. I won't get into too many details, but I scraped the side of the car, drove the wrong way on a one-way street, and pretty much drove in circles for what felt like three hours, but was probably only twenty minutes. I was a nervous wreck. When I finally found a place to stop the car (that was a trial in itself), I parked, put the blinkies on, and called Ryan in a hyseterical panic. I am lucky because my husband's job is very close to where I was and also because Ryan is the kindest, most patient guy ever in the history of mankind. He left work, found me, stopped me from hyperventilating, took me back home, and gave me iced tea. I really, really, really hate to drive. Really. I have never wanted to learn, and now that I've learned (yes, three months ago), I never want to go anywhere. I will add three hours to my travel time so that I can take a bus or a train instead of driving somewhere. Ryan thinks I should go to a therapist. I think I should get a robot who knows how to drive a car. Also, the robot could cook dinner and make the bed, neither of which I'm afraid of, but both of which I kinda suck at. And if the robot were really good, I'd let it write my dissertation. Woo robots! |
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