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GRAVY! no shift 2007-04-11 — 9:16 a.m. |
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Living with Dave is really nice. He's the best possible guy I can imagine. So kind, so attentive, so patient, so excited about everything in life. If I hadn't just gone through something really yucky, I'd wonder what I did to deserve him. If there is such a thing as karma (and i don't believe that there is, it just seems like it right now), all that crap i put all my other boyfriends through came back to bite me in the ass with ryan, but then all the crap ryan put me through earned me this really amazing guy in Dave. I know that's not how it works, but it is kind of funny. Yesterday i got obsessed with the idea of there being too much dust in my keyboard, so i pulled off all the letters and dusted underneath them. It wasn't too bad of an idea, since there was a lot of dust in there, but now i can't get the left shift key back on. whoopsie! i'm pretty sure my student in a wheelchair has a mondo crush on me. i seem to get a cold and my period every two weeks. weird? for some reason, i swear that my night guard gives me sore throats, but i've googled the hell out of that idea and there is no support for that theory. dave and i are probably going to live in the cute house, as long as the woman decides to rent it to us. there's one more place we're looking at tonight (it's in chapel hill), but i told him we should take the cute house if we could. i had brief anxiety attacks all day yesterday about all the driving i'd have to do (almost an hour total driving every time i'd have to go to campus), but i'm trying to work through it. apparantly fear of driving is a form of agoraphobia. i looked up a lot of stuff online and i'm not alone! a lot of people have the same problem i do, and many of them have it much, much worse. so i'm going to work on it, do breathing excersizes and whatnot, and hopefully everything will get better. ryan's coming over in a couple hours. we're going to go get lunch. it's weird how i miss him but don't really want to see him. i don't want to hear anything about derek or how much work he has or any of that. i almost don't want him to be happy ... i've got a lot of residual anger, i guess. i still want him to feel bad about what he did, and i know i shouldn't, but i allow myself to feel it, so it's ok. i don't have to like derek, and i don't have to want to hear about derek. i guess it's better to have a long, slow process of anger and upsetness than to have gone all-out crazy when it first happened. i really need to fix this shift key!1 |
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